And it's likely to happen again.
I've known for some time that at least one woman at church doesn't like me. There was another who's since left the church. And in the last couple of months, I've added a third one who doesn't speak to me. Now we have at least a fourth and her husband.
Which is rough, because I did think they were friends.
I've never been at a church where anyone followed up after I left. I don't expect my current church would either. One vanishes and is never seen again. It's happened with other people I know, it is likely to happen to me.
Online, I mused that at least I'd go to another church. Start over, sure. But also: I'm never going to fit in - I'm the wrong sort of person for fitting in with women-from-church. Either I'm competition for the more individual ones, and the ones who aren't competitive with me aren't interested in my life.
A stranger offered me grace, though. Friends - ex-Christians, some of them - said it really sucked. A number of them want to meet up during the holiday season.
It did suck. It does. I don't know. Should I bother hanging around with people who can dismiss me so easily? In a great and terrible irony, I've never faced this issue among non-Christians. Only in the church. Is that because I have unreasonable expectations of Christians?
I did point out my exclusion. Not one person apologised. Not one of them has actively checked in with me. Some are generally inclusive. But from the others? Dead silence.
I did like the affirming church I visited a few times the other year. Spotted a friend who was in the Pride Parade with her church, went along to see what it was like. Oddballs, quirky, queer. I've never found it strange that alphabet gender-and-sexuality folks dislike the suburban middle-class church - the suburban middle-class church sure doesn't like them. Heck, it doesn't even like me! And I pass as cishet, with a solid knowledge of the bible and a firm faith.
Plus I've always known I'm on the fringes of social acceptability. Not-a-wife, not-a-mother, men don't talk to single women - and when they do, they're not actually interested in holding a conversation, they'll just answer your questions about them and never ask them back. It took eight years for me to be invited to regular things. And I know perfectly well I'm still on the outside, a johnny-come-lately who isn't known or trusted, and is a cat that walks alone. I'm not comfortable, and for some people, that's not something they want to include at their table.
Bit rough having it shoved in my face, mind.
I don't expect redeemed behaviour from the unredeemed.
Strangely, though, too often in the matter of community, the redeemed are less welcoming or inclusive than the unredeemed.
