Sunday 12 March 2023

never-married and church culture

Having feelings today.

Sometimes I feel piteously grateful that the women at church include me in anything. It's a good church with good people, but the truth is that in modern Christianity a never-married woman in her mid-40s is more likely to be considered a threat and liability than a friend.

Married couples with kids? No problem.

Women whose husbands are dead or left? All good.

But an unmarried woman tends to get left off the invite list. 

I imagine the reasons vary from "Who would we pair her with?" to "What if she takes a fancy to someone's husband?" And if they've been taught the 'women are walking temptations which men cannot resist, and always willing and interested in a man' beliefs of 90s Christian dating, attraction, and sexuality advice, then good luck to her around any couple where the wife isn't 100% sure of her husband.

I like people. People include men. It includes married men. There are guys I count as friends and guys I'd like to count as friends. (They're interesting people; I always like befriending interesting people.) Doing either is painfully fraught with a lot of gender schtick - not the risk that I'll do something or he'll do something, but that people will smear either of our reputations.

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