singlehood, virginity, society

I've been thinking about the move '40 Year Old Virgin' - partly due to a conversation with new friend (also a Christian, about singlehood and Christianity related to an article she linked to that really hit her buttons) and partly because, for the first time in years, I'm in a Bible study where I'm the youngest person and the only one who's never been married (one woman is single, her husband having died a few years back). It's a women's Bible study group, so they're all mothers and wives, dealing with the things that wives and mothers struggle with, while trying to be holy women of God.

It's not an easy thing, from what I see, from the stories I hear from them and the other women in my life who are mothers and wives. Salute to all the women who do it day in, day out, particularly given that we recently celebrated Mother's Day here in Australia.

But it's not a 'better' thing either.

A somewhat accidental slip of the tongue by one of the women in the group the other week got me thinking. We were doing introductions, I was about 3/4 of the way through. All the other women at that point had mentioned children or grandchildren. And the woman beside me started with, "I'm [name], I have two kids - we all have kids..." And I shouldn't have embarrassed her, but I nudged her gently and reminded her, "not all of us have kids."

In the Christian life, singlehood and virginity generally go together; if you're single and never married and were brought up in the church, you're likely a virgin - not always, mind you! ps. Oral sex is still sex. Handjobs are sex. Anal is sex. Actions done with the intent of bringing other people to orgasm are sex, however my personal jury is out on masturbation. *shrugs* (Note: 'virgin' does not mean 'innocent'. I've done the reading up and what I don't know, given human nature, I can imagine.)

Maybe I'll never be married. That's something I'm pretty sure I can live with. Because I'm not alone or lonely.

I think that it's natural to want to be in a relationship with someone - that it's not a bad thing to desire intimacy, emotional, spiritual, and physical. We're made to be in relationships with people, after all - God Himself is in a relationship: Father, Son, and Spirit. On the other hand, when finding someone becomes an obsession, a focus, or a fault - a lack - in the individual, then it's become a problem, as much as gambling when you just have to play another hand, or when you have to have another drink.

It doesn't help that the world puts out the 'virginity is boring' crap either. And yet, I'm sure there are many women whose sexual experiences have been dissatisfying, or plain old brutal, who would love to have that 'innocence' back.

I think we forget that single is a state, and marriage is a state, and finding someone isn't proof against all the frailties of our existence. Is it good to go through with someone else? Sure it is! But it's not permanent, it's not the be-all and end-all, and while it's the closest thing we have to understanding the intimacy of the relationship between God and his church, it's still a long long way from anything like the love God has for his people.